In my last session before the break we are currently on, my very angry little child came hurtling out at full force for the very first time in front of my T. I believe there was some dissociation going on as I don’t fully recall exactly what was said, but the one thing I do remember was my response to his response. After the angry outburst he sat in his chair all calm, half smiling and told me he was ok with me being angry and he could take it and it wasn’t a problem. My reaction to this was that is made me even more angry. I didn’t want him to be fine with it, I didn’t want it to have no effect on him, I wanted him to feel something. Because if he was angry at me for being angry, or was annoyed or hurt, then at least that reaction would show that he cared. Sitting there, seemingly unfazed and relaxed felt like he doesn’t consider me important enough or care enough about me to react to me being angry at him. I didn’t tell him any of this as it felt extremely shameful that I clearly wanted to provoke a reaction out of him.
I’ve never really heard anyone say they have experienced this kind of thing so just wondering if anyone else felt anything similar or am I just weird?!