Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous
...It’s all confusing.
I think one of the big issues I have is I still feel guilty, stupid and at fault for being there,...and giving consent to a good deal of what happened. I blame myself, my family blames me and thinks I’m stupid. I have no problem realizing I am definitely naive.
I believe ... I’m telling myself , on some level, that if it was called r**e, then, maybe, my family wouldn’t think it’s all my fault... More than that, maybe *I* wouldn’t believe it was all my fault. ...The perpetrator died recently and its bringing all this back up.
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What would help clear up your confusion? I have some questions that confuse me too:
1. Confusing your situation and the 19 yr old's. It's hard for me to think of one without the other, since its the same guy. Its like on law and order, where they say do or dont let in evidence from another case because it would prejudice the jury.
2. Is this a recurring discussion with your family? If so, can you tell them you only want SUPPORT from now on about it? The last few years i was even talking to my mother, i started telling her, "Youre hurting my self-esteem!" This was when Oprah started talking about kids' self-esteem, so my mother knew the word (english not her first language). She would reply, shaking her fist at me, "yeah i will give you some-ah steam!" So even though we were making a "joke" about it, i still let her know i didnt like it and that i wanted her to stop.
3. My family thinks im the stupid one in the family too, but im the only one who got into Mensa, and in high school PBK. So maybe we are savants and maybe they should shut up.
If they are so smart, why didnt they get us the help we needed?