You know how you leave something, put it aside, and think about it for a while? Well, this is eight weeks or so now I've been thinking about this since I posted last. My thinking on this hasn't changed.

I can say, I had a longing, homesick, feeling for years and years. I realize now that it wasn't homesickness, it was unreturned emotion. I was extending myself and extending emotion that just wasn't coming back to me. I feel a lot better these days than I did when extending myself.

There's a righteous Christian narcissism in all this too. The importance of prayer, and family, and care for others, but it is always OTHER family. Like I said, when faced with choices, repeatedly, of being with us on religious holidays, like Christmas, or being with others, my parents and siblings chose others every time. When we had to rush a toddler to the hospital on Christmas day, we were told we'd have to leave their home and drive the few hours back to ours, because it would interfere with the planned visit from other extended family if we stayed with a sick kid. That's a level of "appearances matter" that is hard to push past.

I deal with a lot of people, and it is very important to treat them like humans regardless of their circumstance. So.... How are my parents and siblings going to regard it if MY kids, the only grandkids in the family, don't end up following a strict Christian lifestyle? What if.... They move in with someone, or experiment with drugs, alcohol, or sex at a young age, or change religions, or decide they are non-believers, or whatever?

They get to have a shot at their own lives and their own choices someday too and they deserve to not be judged too harshly for it.

I'm increasingly OK with the distance, at least for now. Maybe that will change.

Thanks everyone

RDM