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anna342 said:
I feel so exhausted from just being low. I just want to fade away and not have to deal with the constant pressures to be a someone. I love to many people to do anything again, but I'm hurting inside so much.
It's not even crying sadness, just blank laying and being somewhere without feeling like you have any purpose or effect on anything.
...
I don't find answers, I just get confused about what I'm really feeling and thinking. I'm lost. Nothing is clear, I don't even know what I want right now except peace.
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Dear anna342,
I believe I know what you mean. It is now 10 years that I feel tired and exhausted. But in those 10 yrs there were a few days I felt better, almost the old one. Being tired brings down, everybody, even those who don't feel hurt or constantly pressurized.
If you do not find answers so far, that does not mean there are no answers at all. Give yourself time and a lot of patience, don't pressure on yourself, please! You cannot be lost as long as you do not give up yourself. So be patient! Be your best friend! Best friends do not become impatient, if you're down or tired. They will wait and go through these times together.
Sometimes things simply are not simple or clear. Accepting that for the moment can be very releasing and comforting. There will be the time, when things clear up and you will know and feel that for sure.
It is not always possible to "lead" one's own life. Sometimes life itself takes the lead, and all we can do is step back, listen and watch what happens. And use the time to relax and recover and regain strength for leadership again. Somewhere I read, it would be helpful to see life as a teacher and oneself as a scholar of life. I found that thought quite consoling. I hope it can help you a little, too.
Do we really need to have constantly a purpose or effects on everything around us? I don't think so. We have the right to say no, according to our actual conditions. We constantly have the right to make a break. Life is more than a distressing job, especially our own life. And we have the responsibility for our lives. So there has to be a way to decide when to take a break, if and as long as (!) needed. So, please give yourself the time you need. Let a little loose, this could help!
Hold on, you are never lost or alone,
bluna
__________________
It is the way it is. I can't change that. But there might be a way to change how I react.
(Meanwhile I found out, there are such ways.)
To cope or not to cope - that is the question.
Healing comes from within. As I see it, the trick is to find the lost way back to safe home. Wherever I am, whatever happens to me, my safe home is always with me.
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