I'm really sorry this happened to you. Being angry and resentful with people because of their behavior, when they'll never change, just ends up hurting you and can really damage your life enjoyment over time. I think you and your wife will be better off without that. I'm in a somewhat similar situation with my "best friend" who always expects me to be the one to visit her (I used to visit almost every year, she visited me once in over 10 years) and has a somewhat one-sided expectation when it comes to phone calls. She'll say she misses me and we should talk soon. But the burden is always on me to actually schedule the call, which she often flakes out on. I got sick of it and resolved not to visit her until she visits me and we haven't seen each other in about 4 years so far. I'm not sure what will happen to this relationship, but I do find myself often thinking that just cleanly ending it, so I don't have to feel angry at her anymore, would be better for me.

Maybe you've opened some space in your lives to explore some new friendships and find people you're more compatible with? I also have an instinct of clinging to friends I've had for a long time, or to family/extended family. But it's the friends I made more recently, in the past 10 years or so, that are the best friends I ever had.