I wish other people knew how much effort it takes for me to perform being “me”. How much stitching through different thoughts, motivations, how much negotiating, joint decision-making, how much concentration it takes to perform simple and complicated tasks alike. There is little difference, as whether they are simple as socializing with one person, or complicated, such as preparing a lecture for hundred people, I need to keep stitching, re-stitching, connecting all of my different times, people, events, nodes, on one hand, and on the other un-stitching and de-linking from the conditionings and normalizations that keep pushing things behind the amnesiac barrier. It is exhausting. It is beyond exhausting. I just wish someone could see that. I always had to hide everything, ever since I became aware of myself. If things were difficult, I was the one to blame, as I was too sensitive, too slow to learn, too shy, too absent-minded. I need validation, I want everyone to know how difficult it is to live a life with dissociation produced by trauma. It is difficult. It is not fair. I just want everyone to know that.