I'm truly sorry. While thankfully my T recovered, I had a horrible experience last year when she became seriously ill very suddenly and the outcome was uncertain. It was the worst time of my life and like you felt so emotionally alone. It's extra hard grieving for a therapist as you don't have access to their family/friends to share information and emotions, but by the same token the bond can be as strong as any of those. I'd add to the suggestion above that maybe consider processing this with another therapist, especially as it sounds like your therapist is sadly not planning to return to work It won't be the same but it would be some support right now. You're right, none of us know what is around the corner sadly, which can be extra devastating in therapy as the focus is often on dealing with other losses and the need for the therapist to be there. It's an awful reminder that even therapists can't promise they'll always be around, however well intentioned that promise is. I'm so sorry. This will get easier over time.