Everyone is leaving at the same time again. I'm not saying I would prefer to be a mother with no doubts about mothering, I'm saying I would prefer to not be a crazy and depressed mother. All I threw up was blood and water last night.

Been crying since I woke up because I dreamt of my dead grandmother, I got to tell her I was pregnant.. she didn't want to hug because of covid.

I can't deal with all these dreams and nightmares anymore, there's too many and they make me so sad and sick.