I am so scared to lose days, months and years again. I am so frightened to get back to where I have been. I try to understand, but I am scared I can't keep it together. The memories will fade. This is why even if it is hard, I keep repeating in my head over and over and over and over again. The physical symptoms and mental symptoms are so overwhelming. But I can see, I can fight, I can defend, I can attack. I can't forget. I don't want to get into full blown denial. This my chance to get out of this and I never know when there will be another one and if I even have one. This step is so important for me. It determines wether I will slip back again or finally break free.
Now I can see, metaphorically and in real life? But when will the pictures get blurred again? Her reality become mine.