So Sorry that you're struggling! i agree with the wise and wonderful Buffy01 about looking up some positive things. If you're feeling bad definitely check yourself at an hospital. Please do try to distract yourself and avoid any kind of self-harm by doing the things you like. What about watching some movies or reading something? Please do not give up. Feel free to contact me through om and perhaps others as well if they're willing. Sending many Safe, Warm hugs to BOTH you, @daas619, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!