That's about situations/people I value that are heading towards the inevitable end , above my own will and control. Examples : someone I love is terminally ill / a longterm relationship / a longterm job is going to end due to external factors . There are several psychological stages of grief when this happens. In psychology they talk about denial-anger-depression-bargaining-acceptance. There are also several factual stages. I will name them
1.The Conviction stage - when you first learn the possible outcome but still have hope
2. The Death Row stage - when it's clear there is no alternative and you try to find ways to cope with it
3. The Death stage
The "green mile" stage is the last part of the death row stage. Maybe the last few weeks. And its the one I can't cope with emotionally. I feel trapped. I can't grief or move on since it hasnt ended yet and I can't behave normally since I feel devastated. I see people behaving normally and live it till the end but I really can't. It makes me feel out of control and broken. If I have a choice I prefer to end it as soon as possible and try to grief and move on. But usually I dont have the choice so I become emotionally distant , severelly depressed , lose interesting in everything and suffer. I feel I can't behave normally when my life is not normal. I also suffer from acute anxiety and these situations just make it worse. But there is definitely something I'm doing wrong or can't see. It should be possible to have all these feelings without quitting my own life. But how?