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He has been hurt terribly by the people in his life who were suppose to love him the most, and I think that's why he's never let me in.
...
No one else has ever stuck with him this long, and he is a wonderful father to my children

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Wow, that sounds a lot like my husband. He is estranged from his entire family, and has not even spoken to his parents or siblings in over 10 years. I don't even know the whole story - and I have never met my in-laws.

Yes, I know, this could be - and probably is - a HUGE reason why he struggles with intimacy. I have no idea, but he may have been abused. And obviously, he does not have a good relationship with his family, whether there was abuse or not.

That's why I feel sooooooooo incredibly guilty for the things I have done to him. He has stuck by me thru a lot of crap, that any other man would have just got up and left years ago. That alone makes me think, ok, maybe he does love me.

And he still does do little nice things for me once in a while.

Maybe I just want too much out of this marriage. I have no friends, I'm not close with my family and they live 2 states away, I just really have no one but him. I need so much love from him because I don't get it anywhere else. Maybe he just can't love me the way I need him to.

I will definitely be trying some marriage counseling, but first I need to get myself a bit more mentally stable before we try that. I admit that another huge reason I am hard to live with is my mental issues. Crazy mood swings, deep depression, not caring about the housework, just being a ****** sometimes!! I know that's hard to live with. Hopefully if I can fix that, he may care more about me? I don't know.