Talking to your therapist was good because the therapist knows how much work it is to learn how to navigate triggers and work on reducing how they affect you personally. Unfortunately, that is something the average person simply isn't going to understand and that too can be triggering and tiring. Abusers do a lot of invalidating and say things to reduce the importance of their victims rights and feelings. Abusers like to invalidate the importance of how their victims feel as a way to gain control over their victims. It's all about what the abuser decides is important and not their victim so they tend to demean and devalue whatever is important to their victim. An abuser wants all the focus on them because it gives them a sense of control, often to make up for the emptiness and lack of control inside them. They actually know what their victim cares about and they use it to gain control because that is what they want most and they don't care about who or what they use to gain control.

This is what children do not understand because children just want to have approval and to feel important and loved. Children do not understand when an abuser is using them in order to hurt a spouse either. It can be very challenging to explain to a child what they are being used for and that it's wrong to go along with an abuser's game. And abusers like to practice triangulation and they don't even care if they use their own children to do that either.

It's understandable that certain things your daughter says can trigger you. She may say these things because she has heard these phrases used and children are parots and they simply don't understand that things they are picking up are not healthy.

It's good that you are making the house you live in YOUR own little by little. It takes time and patience to slowly gain your own sense of power back and learn what triggers you so you can slowly get better at managing whatever these triggers are and slowly regain your personal sense of power back again.