i can relate a bit! i agree with the wise and wonderful AgentQ9A about this being normal at your age! At least i think it is normal. Like he/she said, people do tend to change as years go by. Just try to focus on the best possible version of yourself that you can be. Perhaps a therapist may be useful for this kind of self-analysis if you aren't already seeing one. Please do not give up. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Whereto52, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!