So Sorry For your Losses! i partly agree with the wise and wonderful Zipper dog about sending you those hugs. Are you currently seeing a therapist? i feel like that may Help you to cope with these Losses and situations. Please do not give up. i think it can be hard to get through difficult moments but Hopefully not impossible. Do not hurt yourself or anyone else. God Bless you all. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @zako3, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!