It focuses on relationships with alcoholics, which is not a factor in my situation, yet we are still codependent. For you, there are substance issues at play, though that is not the primary reason for your relationship’s dysfunction...still it is an underlying cause though.

I do understand why you feel so conflicted in your relationship because I can relate personally. Tbh, you’ve felt unsure about the whole thing since the beginning.

I’ve found, in a relationship with anybody, they will sometimes treat you great and sometimes be hurtful (unintentionally at best, intentionally on occasion- in any relationship). I have had to accept some very hurtful, intentional things my h did to me. I accepted it because I chose to look at the good acts that I wanted to keep receiving, and the only way to move forward was to ‘get over’ the hurts. I also had to be honest with myself that I was partly to blame in his choice to hurt me. I pushed him to it because I was already angry at him over something else. So, because I was already angry over our usual dysfunction (his sexual/emotional neglect), he chose to hurt me (going out to dinner with his friend who treated me like a total prick). I’d have liked to divorce him then, but I didn’t because I was still trying to fix this dysfunctional marriage. But then, every day now, he just keeps doing all the same dysfunction that disappoints and angers me with no end in sight. It’s so crazy-making I’ve simply had to emotionally detach from the whole relationship. I don’t feel strong enough to go and hire a lawyer and divorce him (again!) once and for all, so I feel trapped and continue with toxic dance—- with a therapist who has not really done anything except told me to this this book.