The only thing my incessant worry does is to rob my "now" of joy. It doesn't magically protect me and my loved ones, because **** happens sometimes anyway that's just life. Somehow I've convinced myself that when **** didn't happen, it was because I worried enough to prevent it, and when **** did happen, it was my fault because I didn't worry enough. I don't know how to fix this. Obviously you don't either, or else, it just takes a really really long time to fix and the above realization finally coming through is part of fixing it. I don't know but I rather feel like I'm losing my mind. Maybe I'm only losing the part that I don't need? I don't know. I wish it was Friday already.