I think my BF might be finally starting to “get” my mental health stuff.

Last night we were talking about how I feel insecure about our relationship sometimes, and he said, “babe, you have no reason to feel insecure.” And I said, “I know. This is not necessarily about reason. This is about me feeling a particular way despite knowing that the feeling is unreasonable. This can happen when children grow up in an environment with volatile adults — in childhood, it was adaptive for me to be extremely sensitive and reactive to other people’s moods. Even though that behaviour is no longer useful to me, it is now hard-wired.”

And he started to say, “just try to think positively,” which is something he has said before in these sorts of situations, but I put my hand over his mouth and said, “[BF’s name]. Listen to me. I am very smart and very capable.” And he wriggled his mouth free and said, “I know that!” but I put my hand back over his mouth and said, “if it were that easy, I would have done it already.” And then he shut up and I saw a look of dawning comprehension in his eyes.

He was quiet for a bit, and then asked, “so what can I do to help you feel less insecure?” I said, “I don’t think that you need to do anything differently at baseline. But when I come to you and say, “[BF], I am having one of those moments when I am feeling insecure about our relationship,” it would be helpful if you could reassure me that things are okay then and pat me on the head, and then I will feel better.” He said, “aww” and squeezed me. I said, “is that something you’re willing to do?” And he said yes.

I dunno; we’re certainly not all the way there, but it feels like a start.