</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ayng said:
How do you know if it is your boundaries or theirs you are going by?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">You make sure to respect both of your boundaries.

Take hugs, for example. My T and I hug sometimes at the end of sessions, and he usually will ask my permission first, "share a hug?" and spreads his arms. He doesn't just dive in and assume I'll reciprocate. He makes himself available and lets me come into his arms. He is respecting my boundaries. I don't usually initiate a hug, but wait for him to invite me, so I respect his boundaries and don't force myself on him. A few times we've just fallen into the hug naturally without the invitation, but we do after all have a history of both of us being OK with hugs. We did not hug early on in therapy, but got to know each other very well first. Going slowly and getting to know each other helps each person get to know the other's boundaries. Along the hugs theme, it could be a T would have a boundary against hugs, as some therapists feel there should be zero touch with the client. So that T's client needs to respect his boundaries about hugs and not pester him to break that.

ayng, I hope that helps. Good luck finding a new T.