Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
@ TishaBuv, you are not to blame for husband''s hurtful behaviors - he is. You are rightfully upset and hurt by how he approaches your sexual relationship. That in no way excuses his choice to be hurtful.
Given what I know of your relationship, it's certainly toxic, but perhaps not as bad as mine was. You're also years into the relationship, making it far harder to leave.
That being said, healthy love does not involve intention to hurt one's spouse.
I saw myself five years from now in the same exact position as now - and I refuse to continue to be miserable and involved in the toxicity that my husband brings. He is SO harmful to me, I cannot waste any more precious years of my life on him. |
I agree, and thank you for the support on this.
What I see as my part in escalating it to where he went out anyway, is that I was already angry at him and in a knee-jerk, passive-aggressive reaction to the dinner invitation was that I told him to go if he wanted it. I egged him on. It was obvious I didn’t want him to and he knew it, but still, I told him to go. Then when he was going, I was even angrier and more upset that he was going and he knew it, but he still went anyway.
The hurt from that incident was 1) He didn’t feel angry at his friend for how he treated me, like I did. 2) He went to dinner with that friend (it was to be three couples, so it was two couples and him without me) and chose to do that knowing leaving me home seething about how he did not have my back to support me when this person was extremely disrespectful to me. It was his friend, so in my opinion, they really treated him with extreme disrespect by treating his wife that way...but he didn’t see it like I did.
Anyway, this topic started yet another argument with him about it. He will not give me an honest reason for why he went. He only deflects with BS reasons that are laughable. The truth is he did what he wanted to do, he didn’t care that it hurt me, he did not feel lovingly toward me at that time... Does that mean he does not really love me at all?
That’s been a tough one for me to come to terms with.