He keeps repeating himself - that supporting me, loving me and being there for me over the last 2 months was all for naught. If he’s trying to instill guilt in me, it’s not working. I now 100% see that I must take care of myself, and that it’s imperative I do for my own survival and mental health. He negatively impacts me. I cannot afford to be hospitalized again, or traumatized again so that I end up in the hospital. Plus my eating disorder has once again dissipated since I broke up with him a second time. This is for my health.

I saw the couples therapist on my own the other night. I told him I’ve lost myself, so he asked me questions about my life to try and revive a sense of self. He’s good. He intuitively knew what I needed, though I do want to process my relationship with him.

With my husband, I don’t truly matter. My feelings do not matter, my needs do not matter, and most everything I say I need gets ignored. I can’t live like that. I need to have my stated needs met and my opinions heard. He’s a true narcissist, and I see this more clearly than ever.

Even after breaking up with him this time, he continues to bombard me with how he feels, ignoring the fact that I’ve said I’ll never trust him and that far too much damage has been done. He’s still trying to convince me, despite this.

He’s such a self centered a-hole, and I don’t have the energy to engage or argue. The last time he told me it was all for naught, I ignored it. I just can’t keep going there with him - I’ve said all there is to say. Since he chooses to ignore it, that’s not my fault or responsibility.

I think I hate him all over again. I feel sick that I fell for his BS one more time. On average, it takes seven times to leave an abuser. For me, it was three times.