Id like to thank everyone who replied to me. I still dont know what to do? This hurts so bad. Ive been crying and crying over it. I still cant stop writing her? I try but its too hard on me. Im stuck in denial over losing this friendship. I know this may sound sick, but i have even contemplated suicide over it. My heart is broken and i just dont know what to do? I cant let her go. I wont. Im still hanging by a thread waiting for things to go back to how they use to be. This isnt a game to me. This person drove all the way from NH to come meet me in person this past summer. I cant throw her away like shes trying to throw me away. I just cant convince myself to do it. I write crappy emails saying im leaving for good, but then i recant and take back what ive said. I guess its likeim trying to make her hurt the ways shes hurting me. Kinda sick huh? My emotions are running wild today and i cant stop crying. God im so stupid. Why cant i just not have feelings? I feel like im having a meltdown and im out of anxiety meds so its even worse. God whats wrong with me? I dont wanna have a broken heart anymore. I cant take this? Im not strong enought to handle things like this. I just wasnt cut out for crap like this to be thrown my way. I wanna curl up under a rock.