Hello Zguvpron: I'm sorry I doubt there's going to be much of anything I can offer you here. But I noticed this is your first post. So... welcome to MSF. I hope you find the forums to be of benefit.

Reading your post, the one thing that occurs to me is to suggest you look into the concept of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) if that's a subject you've not yet mined, so to speak. There's a forum, here on MSF, on the subject of CEN. Here's a link:

https://mysupportforums.org/childhoo...ional-neglect/

And then, also, here's a link to Dr. Jonice Webb's informational webpage on the subject:

About Emotional Neglect | Dr. Jonice Webb

My best wishes to you...