I'm looking ahead being optimistic as hell. I would like to get to the point I'm working, preferably on art. I have a nasty habit of starting school when hypomanic and dropping out, like 7+x. BUT if this lasts I can do more then I'm presently doing. It however with working I can't fail because I'd need the medical and would probably only be able to work part-time. So do I wait 6 months, a year, until my pdoc and T agree (because that will never happen)? I feel bad I haven't had a career. I use to say it's because I was raising M. Now I don't have that excuse. It's easy to point to my CP and be like yeah people won't hire her but work places are getting more accepting. I want things, H wants things that we just can't have being this low below poverty. I'm not complaining by any means. I want to rise above this illness. Buy things, have a house, dare I say interact with people. I'm smart as hell and it's wasted.

My old T use to say people with BP can work. No one has ever agreed to me working or school I had one summer job that I loved. Do I just say F it and be content or do I spend this time trying to get what I want?

H says relax and enjoy but I feel like I should be doing something useful.