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MsLady · Apr 26, 2021 at 12:55 AM

Quote:

She said people with BPD are really volatile and have trouble holding down a job and can't even have relationships with family members

It sounds like your therapist doesn't understand what QBPD is. I'd bring in the article and explain further.

Interesting read. I saw a lot of myself in some of this, too.

Quote:

Symptoms of Quiet BPD

People with Quiet BPD drive blame onto themselves. If your friends get angry, you immediately feel you have done something wrong, even when there is no apparent connection.

You may have symptoms of social anxiety, harshly scrutinizing everything you say or do, then criticizing yourself for it.

You hide how you truly feel. All your life, you have learned how to hide your true feelings. This may be because you grew up in a household where the expression of your needs and emotions was not allowed. Through social conditioning, you were led to believe that only the "happy, calm, and normal" version of you would be accepted. So no matter how much you are suffering on the inside, you hide it.

You appear high functioning. Many people with Quiet BPD appear independent, successful, and high functioning.

When it comes to your close relationships, you do not feel connected.

You might have adopted the pleaser role in your family of origin, at a time when you had no choice but to be a compliant helper to survive. It is not a conscious desire, but you continue to prioritize being liked over being respected, and panic when others seem to be angry at you or disagree with you.

You isolate yourself to cope with social anxiety. Being in a social situation evokes enormous anxiety for you. Since it is easy for your buttons to get pushed, you know you are prone to feeling hurt, humiliated, or ashamed. Compared to others who seem thick-skinned, you walk around with a third-degree burn and no protection. Eventually, it seems easier to withdraw.

When you have Quiet BPD, you would not directly confront people or fight for your relationships. Instead, you withdraw and cut yourself off from them. You discard relationships easily, leaving the other person in confusion.

You are afraid to be alone, but you push people away. In Quiet BPD you believe you deserve to be abandoned. The self-loathing can drive you to isolate yourself for days and weeks.

Deep down, you doubt your worthiness, and you are afraid that when others come close enough, they will "find out" that you are defective.

You tell yourself: "I am independent and I don't need relationships." You may end up shutting the emotions deep within yourself and become chronically empty and numb.

You can be infatuated with a person, a project, or a regime for a period of time, and suddenly, as though a switch has been flipped, you lose interest. Because of this, you are not sure where you belong. Not having a solid foundation to work from also makes it harder to build self-esteem and self-confidence.