Yesterday was a bad day. Being alone during this time is very tough.

It’s Spring and the weather isn’t showing it - it’s been windy and cold. I want to be outside again, doing my favorite outdoor activities like roller blading or kayaking.

I did manage to see a concert Friday night and some friends on Saturday. I hung out at my friends’ home sat afternoon, but I wasn’t myself. I’m still not fully recovered mental health-wise. I’m still shaky and uncertain of myself. I made an off colored comment to my friends and I felt like total crap about it the whole day on Sunday. It wasn’t like me to say something like that and I felt really badly. I tried to apologize to my friend on Sunday and she didn’t reply.

I need friends and trying to reconnect with friends after several years of being away is a little hard while going through a divorce. These aren’t my closest friends - they’re party friends I’ve spent time with over many years hanging out and partying at their beach home during the summers. She did say she would go kayaking with me in June. I hope she still wants to, after my off colored comment.

Abuse takes a toll. I am not my normal happy upbeat self. I’m drained, insecure, ungrounded and wobbly. I need to get myself back again and I’m impatient about it though I realize it’s going to take time.

I’m holding in all my anger with very few outlets.