Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
What amazes me more is that we saw the red flags before we got married & talked ourselves out of paying attention to them & actually calling off our weddings.
Yep, in my case my ex was a nice guy but a loser when it came to personality in the overall sense.....which showed up immediately after the wedding because it was there before.
I don't know about you, but those red flags I saw before the wedding put me on the defensive in the marriage because I wasn't willing to put up with the crap that caused the red flags in the first place. I actually addressed the issues before the wedding & said I don't want to get married if this is how you are. Yep, assured me that all my demands were ok until after the wedding. All 33 years of our marriage were nothing but fighting & my career was my escape rather than divorce till I could leave.
Different reasons for their behaviors & different behaviors ( mine was a majority of financial issues & lying about them, not an outside relationship) but the results end up being pretty similar.
Be glad you didn't own a house together. 3 years after my divorce I am still in a law suit against my ex in a state 2100 miles from where I live. They can be real @$$'s when things don't go the way they want. My ex has totally ignored communicating with all 3 lawyers I have hired to deal with this.
You will get through this.....just stay determined & stay strong
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33 years is an awful long time to put up with abuse. I, too, told my husband before the wedding that I wouldn't tolerate his poor behaviors, and it too became far worse right after the wedding. Far worse.
The infidelity was at the end, but it was the final straw for me.
We are lucky in that we don't own any shared assets - it makes it far easier. I cannot even imagine what you went through and still are going through.