I’m sorry I went down the well again. I wish I was able to have better control of my emotions and had not had such severe reactions. I want to try again and succeed and keeping calm and not getting triggered.

I feel much better instantly because my son did return my call eventually and agreed to keep in better contact to maintain a relationship rather than the estrangement (or lesser intent of merely neglect). I asked for what I need, telling him I love and miss him and want to be part of his life and he happily agreed!

Classic codependent me, his actions mean so much to me. But really, to have lost my son who was always so wonderful is unbearably painful to me.