It's my birthday, and I never feel like celebrating my birthday. The reason I don't feel like celebrating my birthday is because historically my parents have made it about them. My bio dad now ruins my birthday every year by making it the one day a year he tries to communicate with me, sending me some random message saying "Happy birthday, love Dad." Okay, but you don't get to love me one day a year because it makes you feel special you had a kid and you think you're a dad. He refused all my attempts at having a relationship, and now he thinks he gets some right to communicate with me on my birthday every year like I want to hear from him. It triggers me every birthday because he doesn't love me. His love is conditional, and on my birthday he loves me because it's a day he gets to recognize that he had a daughter, and look at all the things he did for me. Right....Tomorrow he'll go back to hating me and the discard.

I have worked so hard to be free of the abuse and trauma, and to work through the cPTSD, the OCD, all these disorders that he GAVE me with his abuse and narcissistic love. And on my 41st birthday, and last year on my 40th birthday, he sends these random messages, having not spoken to me or tried to reach out to me otherwise, like I should somehow respond positively to them.

He hurt me, and he knows he hurt me. The only way I'd consider responding is if he send a message that acknowledged an ounce of his bad behavior, but even then, I've grieved the father I never had. And there is nothing healthy for me in a relationship with him or contact with him. I don't want it.

Last year at this time I was about to go through with changing my name, but all the courts had closed. It's time to get an appointment with the court to deal with this, change my name, own my life and my future.