As a black person, I understand your feelings about race. I do also believe that this world was indeed built for white people, and for someone with anxiety like me--it's making it harder to cope.
I do not understand the weight of losing a loved-one like you did, but as Breaking Dawn mentions above, a grief support group sounds like a good start.
I am sorry.
You deserve love and happiness just like everyone else.
Sending you love and support