Took me about three hours to be able to leave my room yesterday. I just got back from having bloodwork done which was an absolute nightmare even though it only took like five minutes. I was super jumpy and looking behind me the whole time. I’m resting before I talk to my pdoc and go to work. I just need to get in the building and to my classroom and eventually I will relax a little bit. It’s only a half day for the students so I’ll have quiet in the afternoon. Considering leaving the classroom in the afternoon and going to the small resource room which only has space for one person. It will be quiet and no one will know I’m there so it’ll be partly secure. I just took some Xanax too to make sure it kicks in before I leave and I’m safe to drive.

I sure hope my pdoc steps up and does something, for real.

This mother****er said I need to go inpatient are you ****ing kidding me how ****ing humiliating. I don’t think I’m gonna go. She said I could try outpatient but they don’t have an opening until next week and these ****ing people are recommending DBT which DOESN’T ****ING WORK FOR ME **** YOU.

I’m going to lay quietly in my bed under my blanket and never ****ing move until I die.