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Old Apr 29, 2021, 04:48 AM
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Have Hope Have Hope is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
If his belongings are two boxes (I think that is what you said earlier but I may have confused that info), have you considered mailing them to him - might be costly if they are really large and heavy, but might be worth it to get the deed done and without contact. Another option is a neutral location. In fact, in our area, police departments have safe zones for just this kind of thing. They are specified parking places right outside the police station for divorced parents who need to exchange kids for visitation, or people who buy something online from like Craig's List where you can meet to exchange whatever it is under the lights and security cameras of a police station. It would limit the contact time - they don't like you to linger - and not be at your home.

As far as the texting issue goes, you are going to have to set your boundaries and resist the urge to be reactive - that's what he wants most likely. That would be something to work on in therapy: how to disengage quickly and hold your boundaries so that you don't get sucked into repeated arguments with him. When you take the "thrill" he gets from riling you up away by not reacting, not engaging, he'll start leaving you more alone. (Mind you, he will probably try to push you back into being reactive at first - abusers are good at trying to keep that pattern going - but eventually the "thrill" will be gone).
Thank you. I am able to not see him when he comes to get his boxes. So that's the good news.

I like your suggestion of resisting reactivity. I tried it yesterday and it does diffuse the argument.
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