Dear tanyajohnes11,

I am so very, very sorry you are suffering. How heartbreaking! It sounds like you might have depression, but since I am not a physician or medical professional my opinion is worst than useless. I suffer from depression and was helped enormously by medication prescribed by a doctor. This doctor was not a psychiatrist. He was just a regular doctor. I wish I knew what to say to be helpful to you or at least ease your pain and grief, but I don't know too much. I sure hope you find the root cause of your suffering and are able to regain some peace of mind and joy of living. It is just awful that you are suffering!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

PS: I visited Moscow once a long time ago. I have so many happy memories of my visit there and the people I met. I stayed in a huge hotel called Rossiya across from St. Basil's Cathedral. Someone told me that the hotel is no longer there but I don't know.