It’s important to understand that anger is experienced when a person feels threatened in some way. When anger happens it fills a person with adrenaline in preparation to fight. Just because this adrenaline is created it doesn’t always mean to take action. It’s very primitive and brings on a physical preparedness to remove a threat to ones safety. Thing is that just because you experience this it doesn’t mean you have to act.

When you do the exercise I described it actually helps to use up the adrenaline anger produces. Then you can review the threat and work on removing the problem not based on emotion and rage but instead REASON. You don’t want to sit and stew with all this adrenaline. It actually impedes reasoning and rationalizing and learning. Acting on impulse is what immature teens and young adults practice. A mature adult learns how to acknowledge emotions and rationalize instead of their emotions running their lives and acting on emotional impulses or self medicating for emotional escape.

Children tend to have temper tantrums because they don’t have the ability to sit and rationalize. Instead a child needs guidance to understand this anger and then have the problem addressed. Children have to learn what this anger they are experiencing means.

One of the first things a toddler learns is the word “no”. It’s the beginning of a child’s effort to have some sense of control. A lot of times the no means they are not ready to engage something and are afraid.

I have come across this a lot in what I do and I encourage parents not to force a child who says no out of fear. Instead I find that pushing and forcing often pushes a child into a tantrum and even tears of anger and fear.

Given what you have shared MisterPaul it is likely that certain situations can cause you to experience the challenge/challenges from your past that hurt you. If you get an anger trigger now it’s better to learn to use reason instead of acting based on emotions and accumulating adrenaline build up. An early injury to one’s ego needs healing and healthier avenues to engaging. You are young enough to develop healthier ways of engaging and handling the anger/frustration build up.

Usually personality disorders are not diagnosed in children and teens because a lot of interactions are based on ego and emotion and the brain itself is not fully matured which typically takes place around age 25. After that an individual begins to grow more and begins to understand things in a different light.

There is a desire to be independent that is normal. However when it comes to anger it’s important to learn how to work through it and not act on it in ways that hurt others and fail to instead engage in healthier ways.