So Sorry that you're sturggling! Please do not give up! i agree with the wise and wonderful Yaowen about possibly seeing a therapist. Hugs. i think that may Help a bit. Please do consider seeing one. i Hope things will improve even with your mother. Hugs. You deserve much better than this. i'd suggest some self-Help books and articles as Well perhaps. Just do what is possible. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @tanyajohnes11, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!