I celebrated my first week of dieting... by bingeing. I despair of myself. I don't know what to do. Milk is not working out. That first test was a fluke. Regular milk does bother me, nausea, bloating, gas and loose stool. But it's 35 cents a serving and 100 cals and 10g of protein. I have epic trouble getting enough protein. I'm taking all the precautionary measures i can find and even asked my doctor. I'm mixing lactose-free milk with regular, sipping it slowly, holding it in my mouth for a few moments to allow saliva to initiate digestion, eating it with some other food, etc. I guess if i have to drink lactose-free milk it's not the end of the world, just twice the price. Lactose-free milk lasts for a long time tho, so it's easy to keep stocked up on it. Sigh! I just had such high hopes for regular milk but i don't even know if i'll be able to finish the bag i bought. Lesson to all: if you're a regular milk drinker, keep it up with a passion, as once the lactose-processing enzyme is gone from your stomach, it's hard to rejuvenate it.

I read that one bad day of overeating does not ruin a whole week of good dieting, so that's of some comfort. I just don't know if i will be able to get back on the horse tomorrow. I feel myself wavering because when i started to feel unhappy today, it's not like i've developed any alternate methods of coping. All i know is to go for a walk and i don't do that. I probably should, it would probably work. I must give it a try. I hereby make a commitment to you all that next time i feel like bingeing i will try going for a walk. THERE. I feel better!

I don't know. Maybe i will wrestle with overeating for the rest of my life without success. There's the possibility of the hospital weight loss clinic once my benzo taper is done in three months (if it goes smoothly). I think they have a lot of skills to teach but i am just not the most co-operative, teachable student. They'd have support too but their program sounds really intense, with a lot of suffering. Six to twelve weeks of just Optifast shakes and water and then a slow transition over to home-prepared food for the balance of two years. It's a very ambitious program and i am not sure i am up to it, especially with my depressive swings where life is unpleasant enough.

Otherwise i had a great time with my one close neighbor this morning. We took a new photo for Facebook with my nifty new decagonal glasses and hair grown into a perfect pageboy at last. I got lots of 'likes.' especially from my male friends so i guess this look is more flattering. Only thing is there is a small gap of overcast sky showing thru leaves in the background at the top of my head and it looks like i am a wanna-be unicorn! Haha!

Otherwise, watched hour upon hour of soaps today and had a nice time. Hmm, maybe that triggered the binge, as i associate eating with TV. I was also drinking pop which goes so well with food so that contributed as well. I foresee the sad day when i will have to give up pop. I will sure need the support of the hospital's weight loss clinic to do it tho as i am a Coke Zero fiend. Coke Zero is my husband and my life, to paraphrase Lou Reed re heroin.

Anyways, the hospital weight loss clinic does a thorough assessment so i don't even know if they'd take me. Well that's all 3+ months away as getting off benzos is the priority. For the moment, i'm more puff than buff!

Hugs to all!