This morning's thoughts:

A big part of me wishes that this were ending on the prior note it ended on: with him being completely in the wrong after his infidelity. Now it's ending on a note of I didn't want to try and fix things, which now places the blame on ME. He can now walk away thinking and saying this to himself and other friends. "she didn't want to try" instead of "I messed up and had an affair".

This makes me seriously angry - I want the responsibility to fall on HIM for our failed marriage, but now the blame and responsibility is on ME. It's not right. It's unjust.

I know I cannot control what he thinks or feels, and that I cannot control what he tells our friends. And I have to not care, but I do care.

I want him to feel the brunt of HIS failure to be a good husband. Since he was on his best behavior during this second go around, he can now claim he was a good husband who tried to make things right.

I am sure that his efforts this go around were all about boosting his own ego and making himself feel better about himself.

But for 2.5 years he abused me, and in no way does six weeks of good behavior make up for 2.5 years of abuse. I've told him this, and he keeps saying he tried to make it right and that he's a changed man, but that I didn't want to try.

He won't take responsibility, and that's an injustice I will just have to somehow accept.