I absolutely understand that you are tired of fighting, because it is exhausting. That said, I don't think you should give up. The only thing we can do is just keep going and hope for better days.

As for my answer to your question, yes, I certainly do get tired of fighting. I'm tired of constantly worrying about this illness, and how to manage it, and how to keep ordinary life circumstances that non-bipolar people wouldn't think twice about from completely derailing my life. I'm tired of being so vulnerable to things like, for example, sleep deprivation, that I can't even travel or have children like a normal person without having to worry that it might trigger a full-blown mania or depression. I'm tired of having to wake up every day and immediately think of meds. All I want is just to live my life and spend my time and energy thinking about things I care about, like the projects I want to work on. Right now, finding and implementing the right treatment is still such a time-consuming task. I hope that at some point I will manage to find a routine with meds, sleep, work, and everything else that will get me stable enough so that I can just live my life without thinking twice about it. I do believe that's possible, and that's why I keep trying.