OP I’m so sorry you’re hurting.

That said, this dichotomy is so freaking tiresome. On the one hand there is pure, selfless, wholesome love and on the other hand there is mercenary, capitalist, profiteering? And... women who expect to get paid for their work are (akin to) prostitutes? And sex work is demeaned as a bad, shameful, immoral and illegal thing.

OMG. This is so not okay. (Don’t @me I know not all therapists are women but it’s a female-dominated profession and generally it’s women who are expected to do endless, boundaryless, unpaid caring work to which all and sundry feel entitled.)

I have been hurt too by wanting and needing more than a therapist could give. I get that. But you have paid them for a service and part of that service is precisely to have good boundaries and to provide care only within the context of the therapeutic relationship.

Otherwise it’s not safe and it’s not therapy. You are not paying for their love. You are paying for their skills and their time.