I had a guy friend visit me last night - a friend I hadn't actually seen in four years, but we've texted. Every other sentence that came out of my mouth had to do with my husband. No joke. I can see how it's going to take a long time to get him out of my system.

I feel so alone in my struggle… I have several close friendships, but each of those friends are old friends who live out of state. Nearby me, I am realizing that my close friends are few…. I may even cut out one of those friends as I am seeing he is toxic to me -- and maybe that's the point is for me to be alone and be comfortable with it.

But I know I cannot survive this divorce on my own. I need support and help. I'm using my abuse support group on Facebook, and I may need to continue to call the abuse hotline, though that hasn't been all too helpful… it's really for crisis situations and safety measures. I feel like I need therapy three times a week. I am struggling with all the abuse. It's caught up with me, and now I am truly feeling the ramifications.