@ArtleyWilkins, thank you! Very wise words!

I understand this logically in my mind - I realize I need to overhaul myself and change myself. I do realize I need to sit by myself for a while --I married on a serious rebound from a broken engagement. I less so married or got involved out of loneliness, and more so out of wanting revenge. Poor reasons, I understand, but it's where my mentality was at during that timeframe. I was very hurt by my ex fiancé and brought that into the very next relationship.

I have been alone a lot of times in my life - the longest is 8 months. But now, I see I must remover from years of abuse, spend time rediscovering myself again, and finding healthier friendships. I must shed the old ways and being anew again. I see what is needed - now it's a matter of breaking patterns and habits at an older age. Old habits die hard as they say.