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I've been doing quite well, especially with diligently practicing anxiety reduction techniques. Had a bit of a "lapse" last night...not sure what happened; I felt very odd with a sudden, random depression. Hopefully, I was just tired...the feeling seems to be gone today.
I had an intriguing dream. Dreamt I was in a class and the professor was excruciatingly demanding, insisting only on near-perfect work. I was anxious with doing the best I could and, for the most part, succeeded. But one project came along and I fell short of success. Initially, I felt like a failure - I so wanted to please the professor. But at the last moment I looked right at him and firmly said, "I did the very best I could, and that was enough."
!!!!! I was so shocked that my own words awoke me. Normally, I would be deeply involved in pleasing the prof and beating up on myself for "failing." not so in this case; I was quite firm in my internal feeling of genuinely doing my best and, in that, felt successful. The dream left it's mark on me, tells me that even unconsciously, my hard work in therapy is paying off.
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