thank you muffy... i am just trying to clear out some old memories... i know they will never be totally forgotton, but itd be great if i could shine them up a bit... reminds me of the old hidden closet where all the brooms and mops are just kinda tossed into it, the light bulb is burnt out, and no one really wants to look in there.... i'm trying to find a new light bulb...

for the most part it seems to be working.. there are so many things that cant be changed and i accept that.. i can however change the way i perceive the past and that has really helped a lot....

its hard to come to terms with little lives being harmed and knowing you were there then... son was never abused.. we both loved him with all our hearts.. he is still loved completely by us... 18 years and counting... somethings go away harder than others... i would never want him to go away anyway....

(((Adam i love you))))))) no matter who or what you've become, you are and always will be part of me... maybe i couldnt be there to help you grow up all the way, but you are in my thoughts always... i cannot imagine not wanting you despite all the hurt in these years...

sorry... its a very hard thing for me.. thank you for patience and understanding all...