Hello (((PURPLE)))> I am sorry that you are suffering to this degree. It is very hard to feel the emotional pain that you are in and feel anything but remourse from your past I am sure. Being or going to the hospital is not failure on your part as a human being, it is just that when someone has issues that have a great part in the emotional balance things have to be changed for the better such as medicaiton and treatment when things are breaking down. It is good that you decided to get the help you need to hopefully feel better in time. Your story may become an inspiration for someone else who has the same need of help as yourself. I am thankful you are willing to share your experiences to help others as well as yourself. I hope things get better for you soon. PM anytime (((PURPLE))). Soidhonia