So Sorry about your struggles! Please do not give up! i can relate a bit in that i also have difficulty making important decisions in my Life even when it should be necessary. Unfortunately i don't think it is that easy. In your case a decisione made by you may potentially have effect on other people's Lives, your Family, so i think it is normal that you'd be hesitant. That said, i think your needs and desires are still valid in that you have every right to have them and even to pursue them as long as you don't hurt anybody in the process. Perhaps give it some serious thoughts and talk about it with other people you trust as well, be it your Husband or others. Do be kind to yourself. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @TishaBuv, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!