One more addition: I am this bad with not being able to think about non-routine tasks when I'm low enough. Not as low as not being able to go on this forum even, but low enough that I can't do the above. I realised it's fluctuating, sometimes I have good days, especially now, having received some help for it. Like it helped so much that I finally saw the true light at the end of the proverbial tunnel!! But then something pulled me down uh oh meanwhile a big task got really urgent piling all up on me so that's doubly low and then I get like the above. I trust that if I am past this, I will be able to go on with the better streak with the help I got. I will be able to avoid things from piling up like that again. But for now I have to survive the next few days

The warmup will still be an issue afterwards but I expect it to become more tolerable. I still will need to figure it out though. Maybe at that point I'll be able to try and do the trick suggested above. But right now I'm very far from that... : (



EDIT: Gonna think out loud again. So the trick suggests to just GIVE UP on the demanding stuff lol. It is so hard for me to simulate that mindset, like...I don't know if I can trick my brain into that... my brain would require a plausible plan for it first. Plan taking into account the consequences, dealing with them, ..... Uh. I dunno, considering such a plan rightnow makes me feel too dizzy lol.

I forget the other thing I wanted to write about.

EDIT again: Oh got it. It was about how many hours this is gonna take. Oh god, so many hours. lol.

At least with the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, ..... my brain isn't overloaded on top of all of this with all those concerns about how I am going be able to go on in the tunnel long-term. I am able to trust that I will be able to go on without it being a never-ending tunnel like that (because that part of my image of the future is solved. Magical processing powers & external help). That's something. It used to be that way...