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Veteran Member
Member Since Dec 2020
Location: Hungary
Posts: 505
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May 05, 2021 at 09:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
A difficulty I face and which I described to my abuse advocate last night: I am conflicted about asking my husband about his failing father's health from time to time. If I don't, then I look like a calloused a-hole to all our friends, and if I do, it invites more contact between us. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.
So, I reached out last night to ask, and he said his father is now supposed to move out of the hospital to a rehab facility, but no rehab facility wants to take him. They say it takes too much "man power" to take care of him. The truth is his father is very abusive to staff, and I suspect this is also a reason why they won't take him.
Anyways, I feel I must do the right thing here - and the right thing to do is to check on his dying father and to show compassion from time to time.
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Oh these boundary issues yeah...I'm thinking, if you are able to focus on just doing exactly that and no more, what you decided in advance, in this case it's checking up on what's going on with the dying father,... then that is a way to keep boundaries and not get sucked into more contact and manipulative emotions. But I think it definitely means it's going to a burden, requiring lots of efforts to keep up the boundaries in the face of all that, and you would have to calculate the costs of this burden in your life. This is what I am realising myself about keeping boundaries around the people who try to drain me by default.
To respond to your other post, I thought of this guy as a psychopath because of the irresponsible and parasitic life style on top of the shallow emotions & manipulations.
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