Thanks for this thread AzulOscuro. I just looked at it. Like you, I agree with the comments. I agree that we have to be careful to label behaviors rather than people.

I want to add that I have struggled for a long time about whether or not others were toxic or I am the one who is toxic. In the beginning of my back and forth thoughts, a lot of it was about others but I finally began to look at ways I was behaving badly too. I think I have improved my behaviors and improved my boundaries and have noticed that now others are behaving and doing better. I don't know if I can take any credit for their improvements but do know that we eventually take on some of the behaviors of the people we are with if we spend a lot of time with them. However, we can't change others, we can only change ourselves. Most people have both good and bad behaviors. I know I struggle with not having sympathy for others excuses when they also clearly did something wrong. I have learned that when a person blames, excuses their own bad behavior and guilt trips me or others--it is time call them out on the specific recent behavior they are trying to deflect from or to have a time out from that person. Also, if I allow them to deflect an issue by blaming another person, then I am also contributing to allowing others to be blamed for their inappropriate behavior. I should say something like, "that is not the issue" or "have you talked to them?" And even if they have a valid point about someone else, many times I have been put in situations where others are asking me to change others in a way I do not have the power to do. I am learning to not feel as responsible for things I cannot change. For me, it has been very challenging to be in "fights" between three or more. When it is just between two people, things are so much easier to work out. It is important not to pile on to anyone. Perhaps some of their accusations bear consideration but there are some situations that I shouldn't get in the middle of. Dare I say these are "toxic" situations? I am trying to monitor myself also so that I do not behave badly either.