Idk what happened today I completely lost control. I don't want 'to be' to be over already. I don't want it to turn into 'was'. I feel so guilty. I am hurting everyone with this. I have to hide it. If something happens it is my fault. I am scared. But I trust in God, I believe he will be there and whatever happens he will hold my hand until it is over, whatever over means, maybe over means a life without self-harm, I hope.
I am otherwise so happy. I don't want this to be taken away from me. So many good stuff happening right now and I am already playing with my life like it is nothing.