I don't know your husband. But is he the type of person who tries to show image to others like this? With some people, there isn't much to try and mindread because what they show is what you get. I thought of this because you also mention that he is not able to engage in the relationship itself. I.e. he doesn't sound like the emotional, affectionate type.

Also if he's this type then he may be action focused and anxious to do things and that would be a possible drive for him to run to the pharmacy rather than demonstrating value, image, intent.

Sorry if this was too trivial or something. Just my thoughts.

I like the thread BTW... it's something I'm trying to do internally. Like, not externally because I'm able to keep in the trigger emotions and I just get extremely tense instead. I actually have a thread about this in the ptsd section. If I could disengage INTERNALLY, I would not have to be so tense to the point of scary muscle cramps sometimes even. If I could disengage like that, there would be no more problems with this... Or something.